You pray for rain, you gotta deal with the mud too.: July 2011

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Planes, trains and automobiles, Defenders of getting rolled.

Thursday morning, 3:50am came real early. We had our "driver" picking us up at 4am, so we could make that hour drive into Milan all easy style, and board our 6:50am flight to Amsterdam, which would get us on a 10am flight to Seattle, putting us HOME at 11am that same day. Not bad, so we thought. 3:50, turned to 4:30 and soon we realized our driver wasn't late, he wasn't showing up. A scramble to wake up Marty next door proved futile so we hung our heads in defeat and said fuck it, back to sleep. I wake up at 8am with Marty standing over me asking "what happened?" Then it was off to the travel agent to try to get rebooked. WHAT $1,600??? Fuck that, I'm gold bitch, shits should be free, as loyalty has it's benifits. A call to Delta in the USA told us that the seats were locked and all we had to do was get to Milan Malpensa airport and they could unlock the seats. Dude shows up now at noon, same dude that was suppossed to be there at 4. Marty begs us not to kick his ass on the drive in, and we don't. We chalk it up to the Italian word, "Capita." Which means, shit happens. 1.5 hours later Mario Shuttledriverette drops us off at the airport. KLM check in, to ticketing and we walk away a couple hours later rebooked. $250 change fee and $550 rebooking fee, each. Fags. On top of that, we're now flying out of the other Milan airport, Linete. A hour and 15 minute ride on a bus, to that airport, then caught a shuttle to our hotel. It's now 6pm and we're sitting in Milan, one last night to go before we leave the next day at 10am and we should be going out experiencing the city but we're burnt and say fuck it, time to pound $14 euro rounds of beers and drown our travel sorrows. Which only continued the next day. We go check in, and sweet heart says your Gold Card gets you thru the quick check line and then go to the Air Italia lounge, your Gold Status is good with us. Relax and wait for your flights. Hor Hey looks at me and says "maybe our lucks changing?" Off thru the quick check line and out of security in under 3min, a high 5 and we're fast tracking it to the lounge. Old Tits at the front counter tells us to sit down, get a coffee and relax while she checks my card, so off we go. Our luck is changed. Sit down, coffee, breakfast cakes and paper in hand when Old Tits informs me that my cards no good in THIS lounge and we must leave, now. Douche.

Right at this very moment we were informed out status was NO STATUS.

Panamera eco super car in the Milan lobby.

Brooke Burke and her Baywatch model dude, Dave Charvet getting on the flight in front of us. What, no private plane? Peasants.

Economy plus legroom

This is me, bored out of my gourd with 5.5 hours of flight time left. Dying here.

Finally make it to Sea Tac and we "think" all that's behind us. "Yea Hor Hey, of course my wifes gonna pick us up. She missed me, of course she'll be here." "Oh you landed? Uh, well I haven't left yet and it's Friday 5oclock traffic, can you take a bus home?" $70 cab ride later and I get home to an empty house, there all at the pool. I find the spare key, clean up a little and try to settle into a nap seeing how it's 3am my time, but every 5 min the phone is ringing, downstairs, with what I image is the wife calling to see where I'm at. Re-cloth and ride the bike to the pool, see the wife and she asks what kind of frozen pizza I want for dinner that night? Awesome, welcome home.

Private Screenings of Defenders Of Awesome, going down.

From the Super Corps Facedildo page: "Private Screenings of D.O.A. for you and your friends are real. Villach, Austria, Done. Milano, Italy, Done. Where do you want us to go next?" Leave em a creative answer and you could be next!

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Very famous, not possible, black money and bad people...

These would be the 4 phrases I seemed to key in on during this trip. Everything in Europe when people are talking about something they either know, is in there home town, or are associated with is "VERY FAMOUS." Oh serious? "Not possible" on the other hand is how Euro's handle shit they don't feel like dealing with. "Excuse me, would you mind bringing me some cream for my coffee?" "Um, it is NOT POSSIBLE." Thanks for the effort chief. "Black Money" is rich people or the mafia. It's an explanation for dudes rolling super deep, but couldn't hold a day job. I think we call them drug dealers? Or pro athletes. And "bad people," well, there just bad. People here still have gated homes, bars on their windows, and always lock their doors in these parts. Euro still has some cowboy rape and pillage to it. Which keeps it rad. Regardless of the above, Europes the best. Actually, Italy is the best. The people, food, culture, atti-dude, scenery, wardrobes, shit all of it's pretty fucking awesome. Stoked I get to roll into here and have the side kicks and chapperones that I do when we come.

Hor-Hey hates tomato's, but ate the shit out of this bruscetta.

Pounded out baby cow. Moooooooo

This right here could land you in jail in Italy. It's kind of racist, but it's called "meat mixing" and it's a huge no-no. I was asked WHAT I wanted for lunch. "Hmmm some ham and salami please." "Not possible." You see, Italians feel like they've been getting everything stolen from them. That they are loosing their culture and identity. And because of it, they refuse to budge on their food values. So...ham made properly, doesn't need to be acompanied by salami. Simple right?

I made these bad boys to start the day. Procutto, parma, some other Italian cheese, eggs, tomato's and boom. Breakfast of Americans.

Starbucks ain't got shit on Italians and coffee drinking. I actually counted how many of these we "stopped" and had yesterday. SEVEN.

Windsurf Paradise on Lake Como, in Colico. Bunch of kite boarding going on. Dudes grabbing their boards and shit. Pretty funny, and rad at the same time.

Yep, it's shipping time for 2011/12 product already.

Production Forces. New toe straps too.

Whats up now Farmer?

So with the whole food thing that our Italian friends have going on, Hor Hey and I decided to cook a traditional American dinner for 14 of our bro's. Hamburgers. The joke that night was that they were called Cobra-Burgers. "So you dudes like simple right? Cool, put this in your mouth then." Hamburger, with grilled onions, blue cheese, avacado, lettuce, tomato, catsup, mayo and mustard. Fuckers were squirming at first with the orgasms going on in their mouths. Blew thru 20 of em that night and I didn't even get to eat cause they were too busy shoving them down their throats to care whether or not I got to eat.

Cobra-Burgah!

Gigi had two of them.

This is one of the many coffee spots we stopped at. Locals call it Bella Tit-eh, or in the english version, Sweet Titties. Apparently the barista has some shmeebs. We charmed Bella Tit-eh and she let me barrista up a few round. This was our 3rd coffee of the day, and we were on our way INTO the office.

"Gigi, another coffee?"

Plastic

Coffee # 4

Cigarette box in Euro. Tasty!

Yes, coffee #5 at lunch.

How I talked with my family while here. I-Chats the shit. Cept when the kids fuck up the camera and their blurry. Here you can see Milo with Mac in a head lock. Comedy.