Planes, trains and automobiles, Defenders of getting rolled.

Thursday morning, 3:50am came real early.  We had our "driver" picking us up at 4am, so we could make that hour drive into Milan all easy style, and board our 6:50am flight to Amsterdam, which would get us on a 10am flight to Seattle, putting us HOME at 11am that same day.  Not bad, so we thought.  3:50, turned to 4:30 and soon we realized our driver wasn't late, he wasn't showing up.  A scramble to wake up Marty next door proved futile so we hung our heads in defeat and said fuck it, back to sleep.  I wake up at 8am with Marty standing over me asking "what happened?"  Then it was off to the travel agent to try to get rebooked.  WHAT $1,600???  Fuck that, I'm gold bitch, shits should be free, as loyalty has it's benifits.  A call to Delta in the USA told us that the seats were locked and all we had to do was get to Milan Malpensa airport and they could unlock the seats.  Dude shows up now at noon, same dude that was suppossed to be there at 4.  Marty begs us not to kick his ass on the drive in, and we don't.  We chalk it up to the Italian word, "Capita."  Which means, shit happens.  1.5 hours later Mario Shuttledriverette drops us off at the airport.  KLM check in, to ticketing and we walk away a couple hours later rebooked.  $250 change fee and $550 rebooking fee, each.  Fags.  On top of that, we're now flying out of the other Milan airport, Linete.  A hour and 15 minute ride on a bus, to that airport, then caught a shuttle to our hotel.  It's now 6pm and we're sitting in Milan, one last night to go before we leave the next day at 10am and we should be going out experiencing the city but we're burnt and say fuck it, time to pound $14 euro rounds of beers and drown our travel sorrows.  Which only continued the next day.  We go check in, and sweet heart says your Gold Card gets you thru the quick check line and then go to the Air Italia lounge, your Gold Status is good with us.  Relax and wait for your flights.  Hor Hey looks at me and says "maybe our lucks changing?"  Off thru the quick check line and out of security in under 3min, a high 5 and we're fast tracking it to the lounge.  Old Tits at the front counter tells us to sit down, get a coffee and relax while she checks my card, so off we go.  Our luck is changed.  Sit down, coffee, breakfast cakes and paper in hand when Old Tits informs me that my cards no good in THIS lounge and we must leave, now.  Douche. 

Right at this very moment we were informed out status was NO STATUS.

Panamera eco super car in the Milan lobby.

Brooke Burke and her Baywatch model dude, Dave Charvet getting on the flight in front of us.  What, no private plane?  Peasants.

Economy plus legroom

This is me, bored out of my gourd with 5.5 hours of flight time left.  Dying here.  

Finally make it to Sea Tac and we "think" all that's behind us.  "Yea Hor Hey, of course my wifes gonna pick us up.  She missed me, of course she'll be here."  "Oh you landed?  Uh, well I haven't left yet and it's Friday 5oclock traffic, can you take a bus home?"  $70 cab ride later and I get home to an empty house, there all at the pool.  I find the spare key, clean up a little and try to settle into a nap seeing how it's 3am my time, but every 5 min the phone is ringing, downstairs, with what I image is the wife calling to see where I'm at.  Re-cloth and ride the bike to the pool, see the wife and she asks what kind of frozen pizza I want for dinner that night?  Awesome, welcome home.