Monday, August 27, 2012

The Right Coast Vaca

"Uh you MIND not being in my space, and don't touch me!" was how our 9AM flight out of Seattle to Boston started 2 weeks ago. I looked at the guy and said "really, this is how your gonna start a 5 hour flight together? Really?" Wife starts crying, people around us trippin, and I'm laughing my ass off at this clown visualizing me getting pulled off the plane in cuffs. It was awesome.  After some choice words the fucking idiot asks me if "I'm threatening him?"  "Am I threatening you?  Fuck yea I'm threating you."  From that moment on, the flight only got better.  Funny thing is that the dude looked like the guy from the Pulp Fiction diner scene.  
How the trip started has been my motto, start at the bottom, cause then things can only get better.  And better they did.  I won't bore you with vaca details, I'll just say that "it was awesome."  
Things on the Right Coast are real different than shit out here.  Better in some ways, worse in others.  Here's a list of WHY the Right Coast is the best in my book:
-Dunkin Donuts.  This shit blows away Starbucks.  No comparrison.  Donuts are an acceptable breakfast on the east also. 
-Lunch.  The East knows how to make a proper lunch.  Mainly sandwiches, which are called grinders, subs or hero's.  The west is clueless.  Grinders are sub rolls, meat, oil, vineger, salt, pepper, SHREDDED lettuce and cheese, HEATED.  
-Driving.  If you drive the speed limit in the left hand lane in the east, you get a horn, lights, middle finger and some choice words.  Therefore, it's easy to get places fast back there, cause people know whats up.
-People also flash their high beams at you if there's a cop, 5/0, pig, statey up the road.  No need for radar detectors cause its us vs. them and we got the numbers.  
-Lobster, heard of it?  Lobster rolls?  Dude, nuff said.
-Clams, little necks and quohogs are all different seafood entities back east.  Out west?  Clams.  
-You can actually swim in the ocean.  Shit was 70+ degrees while we were back there. 
-Attitude.  A spades a spade.  No pussy footing around.  My buddies back here think I'm a liberal these days because of my life out west.  "Dude, if I wanted my kids to go to school with all sorts of races, then I'd work for the fucking United Nations" is a direct quote.  
But it's good to be home, reps come in tomorrow for a summer meeting.  Then the rodents go to school next Tuesday.  
Shits about to get busy.   


  1. One:
    You can swim in the Pacific Ocean too, you just have to go south. srsly.

    I'll buy those other things though. And add that the East Coast can have them. I like time alone, riding powder in mountains, and dry air with no bugs. I am a product of generations of Californians--I don't get it over there.

    I love the guy on the airplane. That guy's a lot of fun!

    And your buddies can just decide to work at the United Nations! Ha! AH YEAH KID I CAN FAHKIN JUST SHOW UP AND BE AMBASSADOR TA FAHKIN WHATEVER!


  2. Should have told Dude on the plane you were a pacifist. You were gonna pass a fist across his face.