Matt Wood

This motherfucker broke into the bangburban the other morning at about 6AM and took my cell phone, I-pod and Gerber knife. Matt Wood didn’t mess with the vehicle and I’m thankful that he didn’t steal my bike, skate, snowboards or baseball gloves that were all in there too, which he could of easily taken. But this stupid ass called his ex chick named Tory who has a restraining order against him at 6:17am in the morning, dialing the digits (253) 880-7977 in Auburn Washington on the very phone he stole. With a little detective work and some Jedi mind tricks played on ole Tory who spoke in sentences like “I axed him why he dids that?” she told me his name was Matt and he worked at McDonalds on Holman Rd. No last name was given as she didn’t recall her ex-boyfriends last name. I then called McD’s (206) 783-7736 and talked to a very loyal manager named Caroline Barns who gave me Matt’s last name of Wood. Matt Wood, motherfucking Matt Wood? Caroline wouldn’t give me his phone number so I called the brain surgeon Tory and said “what’s up wit your boy Matt Wood? Why he be stealin my shit yo?!” And she replied “how’s you know his last name? Who you be axing for it?” Then the genius gave me his phone number (206) 713-8590 which isn’t taking any calls right now. Hmmmm, but when I filed a police report yesterday, the officer said that this case would be given to the burglary detectives because of the amount of info I had gotten. What I didn’t know then and I do know now is that stupid ass Matt Wood has a probation officer in the Downtown Seattle Police Station, as he’s been busted with burglary a few other times and that if his parole officer gets wind of this, his 19 year old ass is getting thrown back in the pen. I think I’m gonna call Officer Emery and let her know this, then maybe they get their hands on him before I do. Because when I do, I’m going to beat his fucking head in. Bet.