Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Rhythm N Bruise 3

Rhythm N Bruise 3 at White Guy Pass was this past weekend.  Damn, the weekend was a total blur too.   I woke up 6AM on Saturday to do the 3.5 hour drive south to White Pass from Seattle in time to register and ride the course.  Problem was that One More Tonto and the new neighbors came over and turned One More Johan into hung over Johan and the drive was miserable.  Mac, Milo and his bro, Aidan came along for the trip down south.  Aidan and Milo smelt like absolute shit too as they had a school dance the night before and one of their genius buddies put some AXE cologne on them and told them that it was called "Panther" and it was made with real parts from a panther and chicks would dig them. Well, when we left, the wife was almost throwing up because of the smell.  Jeanyuses. 
We got there by 10:30AM, got dressed and rolled in to registration.  Zack Basher, the dude who started and runs the contest said that Milo should opt out of the 12 and under class and jump into the 13-17 class so he'd have some competition.  There were like twenty 12 and unders entered too and it's not like Milo's about to be 13.  On top of that, he's won the contest two years in a row and a 3-peat would be cool.  But Zack persisted and said "how cool would it be to school those kids, I know he will."  So I threw the question at Milo if he wanted to jump up a category and he said "sure, that sounds fun."  Which opened up the 12 and under class to Frank Logic and Mac, to maybe the new king of the groms.  
 The course this year was on a steeper slope than the first year I went.  It was a little cold out too and that made all the jumps hard and the knuckles harder.  Milo jumped in first pull and destroyed the course.  WeGnar followed suite and I could barely jump two jumps in a row before my eyes were jumping out of my head or I was calling myself a pussy and pulled myself off the course.   In fact, I couldn't get thru the course once on practice day.  John Logic followed me down the course on the side lines for most of my practice runs and came up to me and said "dude, you look really uncomfortable going down that course."  Thanks Logic. 
Sunday was the main event.  You got two pulls thru the course and it was judged.  Temple Cummins, Forrest Burki and Russell Winfield were the hecklers, I mean judges for the event.  We got up early and I tried to follow Gnar thru the course again but couldn't do that, so hung my head thinking about the heckling I was gonna get not only from the kids but from Russell.   It was going to be a long summer.
Macs class went first.  The night before I was pumping Frank up in his room telling him that HE was the dude that should win the 12 and under class.  On the flip side, Milo told Mac that he'd pay him $5 if he beat Frank.  Aidan jumped in with another $5 and when I got word of that when I got back to the room and threw in another $5.  $15 to beat Frank?  That took any doubt out of his mind that he couldn't beat him.
First run, all 10-12 year olds had a banger run.  Franks was sick, Mac's was just as sick.  But none of the kids jumped the two sets of doubles coming out of the first turn.  So I told Mac, "I got $10 for you if you clear both sets of doubles on your second run."  He bartered me down to $5 a double, just in case he didn't make both.  Frank opened his mouth too and talked about the run he was about to throw down, which had a helicopter off the judges hip.  Frank went, helicoptered and squatted the landing.  WeGnar was up next and he went for broke.  Grabbed every jump in the first straight away, lined up for the double doubles and sent the first set but had to pull off the second one cause he's all of 60 lb.  He ripped thru the course and got to the judges hip and helicoptered that and came up with a landing.  Then off the last set of doubles he back 3'd to full blown fists in the air claim across the finish line.  The crowd and judges tower went nuts.  Frank felt the heat and we'd have to wait for the awards to see who won.   Me on the other hand was trying to figure a way out of the contest.  There was no way in hell I was gonna follow that performance up and I knew that Russell was gonna rip me apart for the next 6 months about how my 10 year old destroyed me.  Anxiety set in.
Milo's class was next and it was re-dick-u-loss to watch.  Those kids in that class put on a clinic to each and every other class besides the pro's that tried to ride that course.  For some reason they flowed thru 20 or so jumps, rails, hips and berms smoother than my bowels do after a night at the Wing Dome.  Austin Buza, Mattea, DJ Elliot, Aidan, Milo and another 20 or so kids ripped that course a new asshole.  Fs, bs spins, every rail, back flips, front flips, you name it, they did it.  Good thing I'm not in denial that I can even hang with him anymore.  So I was at ease and stoked to just watch that show go down. 
 Then it came to the Experts, which was the dudes under 40 that aren't taking 4 Advil to get on hill and still think that they got it.  For the most part these guys should all still live in Egypt, cause their all floating down a river of De-Nile.  Wait till your 40 boys and you turn into a pussy.  You'll hate yourself as much as we do every time we get on the hill.  The Cruisers, my class, 40 and over were running right after the Experts.  Every expert,  expertly made it thru the course too.  Backys, rotations, grabs and all that shit went down in their runs, which made it easy to judge for the judges.  Then came the Cruisers.  "Jason Cline your first."  I met Jason at the Bomber Banked Slalom this year and he's got two ripping ass kids, Wyatt and Owen who are 7 & 9.  He' a soccer dad too, and he loves to shred.  He and his family were one of the raddest things to come out of this past season.  It's been fun hanging with them and watching his boys, act like my boys did.  Anyway, younger Johan (Jason) dropped first, very apprehensively.  He made it thru to the end, huffing and puffing and got a hero's welcome from his kids at the finish line.  Rad, I thought.  Where the fucks Milo and Mac to hi5 me?  "Johan your up next, you ready?"  I had just got done telling Mike Cummins that I wanted to pull out for fear of Russell when I heard that.  "Fuck it, I'm in" and the only thing I could think of that would save my dignity from heckling was to clear both sets of doubles, cause that's the one thing that Mac didn't do.  "Ahhhh fuck me" and I dropped into the course.  Bucked off the first jump, eye on the second jump and into the berm with a bunch of speed.  Hit the first double, cleared it, pointed it to the next, cleared it too, then it almost felt like I knew what I was doing.  Attempted a couple grabs, got hand swipes instead, and then came up to the hip, did a donkey kick and heard "come on you old man, let it rip!"  Yea Russell, encouraging to say the least bud.  Crossed the finish line to a hug from Owen and Wyatt, and a grin from WeGnar.  Milo? Yea, he was still running hot laps.  Mike Cummins went next and the dude must have not taken his ADHD medicine that day cause he was jumping off the wall and destroying every jump for someone in the Cruiser class.  He lost some speed here and there and maybe sat his but down on a spin or two but dude had a solid winning run.  We rolled back up and did it again and made it thru the day unscathed.  Off to the bar for a traditional old man celebration "we're still alive" beer.

The awards time came, and Gnar was nervous.  He said his heart was pumping.  When Franks name got called for second, the teeth came out.  Dude knew he won.   Milo got 2nd in his class, missed first by 2 points to Austin, who was ripping.  He won an Arbor zip zinger skateboard and was super pumped on that vs. winning a snowboard that I would sell on Ebay.  So he was happy with his choice to move up a class.  Cruiser time came and Younger Johan got third, then Mike Cummins got called in for second and they gave my safety run the winning nod.  Now not to complain, but I'm giving the win to Mike cause I think that at White Pass their too nice to give one of the family members that put on the contest the win.  Maybe they should come to one of my contests that I put on, so my kids WILL win and see how to properly award winners.
The Clines, Owen, Wyatt and Jason.
Thanks White Pass, Matt Cummins, Zack Basher, One Ball Jay, Temple, Forest, Russell, Logic and Dave Wray for great times at a soon to be legendary contest that challenges the hell out of ya.



    Perfect description of the dudes my age who still think they're about to be discovered. Egyptians. IcyHot Leaguers. There's something to be said for just letting go...it's freeing. Shit's starting to be where I need 95% probability of not getting broke off to even attempt it. Hard downhill BMX snowboard track?--50/50 proposition at best!



  3. Replies
    1. Anonymous10:12 AM

      Nice work old man. cheer's to mac for schooling Diego. what the hell Frank? First you get beat by a GIRL now you get beat by a We GNAR!? Hats off to Milo for doing what he always does. You can't keep that kid off the podium. wish I could have been there instead of on a roof in the F ing rain.

  4. Johan, ya'll did great! Phillip Thomas told me you and your kid's smoked it bro. I really wanted to "Show up & Blow Up" as Matt Cummins would tell me, but my 50 year old ass is already too blown up right now. Hope to catch you guys next season somewhere. No denial until you're my age boss!