Thursday, January 22, 2009

Community Spirit

This is a long one, but it's kinda of a must post and entertaining to read. A battle of words between 40 something year olds. I don't know who wins the battle but I know that when I'm riding powder, I won the war. The players are Wayno, long time east coast rep, this dude Perry who owned 3 shops in New England and myself. Enjoy.

Subject: Wayno's new cell and email
Hi everyone,
This is my new email and cell number. I am giving my cell to my mom so unless you would like to speak with Mrs Wayno and or even have the desire to speak with me my new number is 508-555-1212. My new email is XXXXXX@XX.com Please no blanket emails. I'm looking forward to not getting any Viagra or Nigerian lottery offers for at least a couple of months. For everyone heading to Vegas have a great trip. I leave you with a photo of myself on the way to my successful job interview.
Wayne
It's a great new sales job selling life insurance. I'll be contacting you shortly to see how well you are all covered.

On Jan 21, 2009, at 12:08 PM, Johan wrote:
WHO the hell is that thing in the SUIT? NO say it ain’t so. Where’s the Wayno we know and love? The one that spends 3 weeks in August getting his van organized and detailed so he can do clinics? The guy that actually has his ketchup separated from the mustard in the coffee cup holders on the dash board. The man who can drive AND talk as long as he has his trusty headset on? I want to hear them Waynoisms like “the reality is” or “last year this product sucked, but this year it’s off the charts”….shit like that. A guy in a suit? Shit, we ARE in some tough times. Thank GOD Oh-Bamm-Ah is president. I HOPE he can change this adult Wayne back to the dude formally known as WAYNO.
Johan

Subject: Re: Wayno's new cell and email
Hang in there Wayno. Don't let Johan suck you back into snowboarding. Please tell Johan that snowboarding is the new skiing - GAY! Passe f'n sport of yesteryear. Golf is cooler than snowboarding. Golf is where my next millionS will come from. seriously.
You do know how to dress. Lucky I don't have to. Couldn't look good if I tried. Good Luck Wayno. F Johan with that Wayne bullshit.
Perry

Subject: RE: Wayno's new cell and email
Perry, you replied only to me. Hit reply all next time if you want some other than me to see your brilliant words of wisdom. I guess you “rich guys” don’t need to learn how to use a computer?
Snowboarding’s gay? Wow, pretty strong statement from someone that looked at snowboarding as a way to try and get rich, not put a smile on your face, enjoy the outdoors with friends, make a living and shred pow. No wonder you’re golfing. Have fun putting your balls in a hole. Snowboarding doesn’t miss you. Please keep golfing with your rich buddies and tell each other how rad you are with your new Cleveland titanium woods and Footjoy Boa cleats. Real cool shit there, if you don’t believe me, ask yourself.
WAYNO…you showing up at the last Vegas ever? Bring it in. One more time. Snowboarding still needs you.
Johan

Subject: Oh-I almost forgot!
I have this photo of me and some of my golf trophies and just a
little of my money. Don't worry I have a LOT more.
On Jan 21, 2009, at 4:47 PM, Johan wrote:
So stoked for you Perry. Give yourself another pat on the back for
me. I'm happy that you found something your finally good at.
Here's my trophy shot. I like to think of this as a hole in one.
Johan

Subject: Re: Oh-I almost forgot!
come on Johan. you have to laugh.
it is so funny.
probably what I miss most about the snowboard industry is that shit.
but seriously - get over all that shaka bro pow pow shit.
core is poor.
Oh - speaking of balls going in holes:
how bout my man balls in your man cup.
suck my balls in hell Johan.
again. just kidding. seriously. I needed to do this one last time
for my friend Wayno.
tomorrow I'm turning 45 and I'm just all confused today.
take care.
Perry

Subject: RE: Oh-I almost forgot!
Well the first thing I noticed about your mug shot is that you weren't wearing a ring, so I'm happy that you finally feel comfortable about coming out of the closet and revealing your true self. You weren't kidding anyone back in the day Perry, we all knew you're queerer than a football bat. You could see it in your eyes how you'd lust after Jagerman and dream of getting him upstairs all to your lonesome so you could grease his tight little ass up and pound his boy meat. But you couldn't make that move could you as you were stuck in the bro brah shaka pow pow land of poor people that like to enjoy themselves on snow, not in each others asses. By the way, how many copies of Brokeback Mountain do you own?
Golf on the other hand is a perfect place for someone like yourself. Clubs with sauna's, swinging sticks at balls and like you say, doing nothing all day but putting your balls in dark holes.
Again, I am so happy for you to at age 45 truly be who you always wanted to be. A jaded, rich, gay, golfer.
I hope you have a good birthday and have fun blowing your boyfriends candle out. I'm sure you'll still be wishing it was Jagerman.
Lastly, the core, poor snowboarding community that actually snowboards, doesn't miss you. Stay golfing, you'll find some clarity there.
Happy Birthday BRO, you made my day with this back and forth banter.
Johan

Subject: Re: Oh-I almost forgot!
does that mean that you won't suck my balls? Jagerman wouldn't either.
It's my birthday. come on.

Subject: Community Spirit
Wow, Wow, This is the why I will always miss the snowboarding industry. I love you guys!!!! Could this get any better? If this doesn't make Johan's blog I'll be pissed.
First, there isn't a doubt in my mind that there isn't a person alive that is rooting for my success more than Johan, regardless of what I do.
Secondly, everyone is aware that I am not going to be a life insurance salesman right? I just spent the last year and a half being scared to leave the wine isle for fear of having to show someone where the mayonnaise is to get this job. Fuck, I had to wear a apron for a year and a half. How emasculating is that?
Third, Perry you were a pioneir. Period! I have a shit load of respect for you and that why you were on the short list. But: I love snowboarding. Snowboarding got me out of the ghetto, enabled me to travel to places and meet people that I would never have had the opportunity to do without it. To me, wine is an extension of snowboarding. Travel, food, friends, that's what it's all about to me.
Well, we should all do this again real soon. Lets make it a monthly program. I'm naming it "the angry old timers snowboarders forum"
PS. I'm off to a 20 person invite only tasting. I leave you with a better photo this time.
Cio
Wayno
Subject: Re: Community Spirit
Hey Wayno and Johan,
I so much enjoyed that last spat with Johan. And of course I still
have a love / hate relationship with snowboarding. No doubt - I'm
jaded. Tell me something I don' know. Johan is so perceptive.
Johan - Trust me, I'm not the only one who doesn't like where it has
gone. I had 3 stores and started in 1985. How long you been in the
Industry Johan. That is enough. Blades went bankrupt soon after
buying me (yes, I got paid Johan). Yesterday I heard both snowboard
stores in Portland, Maine just went south. Too much product - too
many dealers - too little interest - too little money. The industry
was heading for the toilet before the recession.
Johan only forwarded one piece of our exchange to people he thinks
are going to side with him. I bet the majority of those industry
people wake up most days asking themselves where their enthusiasm has
gone. Snowboarding is totally GAY now, but that doesn't mean I don't
like it, or appreciate what it has done for me. According to Johan I
am gay, so why wouldn't I like to snowboard? Stupid Johan - he's not
being logical.
And as for the money, fuck yeah, I'm proud of the fact I didn't work
for free for 20 years and was able to retire off of my snowboarding
business in my 30's. Should I be ashamed of that? DUH!
Maybe today I'll go over to Bob's Stores or TJ Max or Marshalls and
buy myself a new snowboard jacket from most manufactures at 80% off.
I need a new jacket and a beenie. Then I can look like every other
fucking tard on the street! But then again I just got back from the
caribbean a couple days ago, and maybe I will just fly my chilly ass
back there!
Wayno - stay off the sinking ship, but continue to snowboard.
Johan - core is poor. jump ship.

On Jan 22, 2009, at 2:52 PM, Johan wrote:
Again Rich Golf Guy Perry,
Hit “REPLY ALL” if you want people to see your wonderful words of wis-dumb. I told you this yesterday and I’ll say it again, snowboarding doesn’t miss you. Stay golfing.
Oh wait, first off, Happy 45ththbirthday. I sincerely hope you have good one. I’m sure it will be spent alone. So drink a couple dozen Crown and Cokes, then look in the mirror and give yourself another thumbs up, and tell yourself one more time how rad your are and how happy you are to not be involved in something as gay as snowboarding. Us queers don’t need another faggot tainting our waters.
Perry I wake up every day stoked to go to work with people that share the same passion as I have, which is to be outside experiencing places, people and cultures all while searching for that white fluffy stuff we gays called Pow. I think you rich guys call that coke? I’d bet that’s what was missing from your business plan to take over the world and why you had to close down them 3 ultra rad stores of yours. See people like you that just want to cash in on something that they don’t participate in have no clue as to what it’s about, I’m betting that’s why your stores closed down. Like the saying goes, “If you want to be involved, be involved.” And someone who’s passion is money, golf and dick holding parties where you sit around with all your buddies telling each other how rad their new Rolex watch looks doesn’t cut it in the snowboard world.
Snowboarding does have some gayness too it, what doesn’t? Well maybe golf, I mean them plaid pants, button up shirts, elitist’s attitudes, fake tech, and spiked shoes are pretty next level.
It doesn’t matter how long I’ve been in the industry either. You can claim that you snowboarded since the beginning of time, but that will never make you a snowboarder. You’re not. There are kids that started snowboarding yesterday that would clean your clock shredding. I’d be bitter too if I put that much time into something and sucked. But for the record, I bought my first snowboard in Manchester Center VT, from the Burton factory in 85. I’ve had 20 season passes in a row and put a couple thousand days in the mountains ofAlaska, Europe, Canada and here in the lovely You Ess of EH. I know that’s nothing compared to your days of shushing around in hard boots at Gunstock but I’m not trying to keep up with the jones. That’s why I still make my living doing something I love and why my vacations revolve around going to the mountain, not some sun and fun resort where I drink my ass off pretending to be happy.
Wayno come back to this sinking ship known as snowboarding. Your one of the dudes that made a difference and kept the fuck sticks in check all while making a difference. No wonder Perry was included on your email list. It’s good that you still keep tabs on him. Core is poor? How about money can’t buy you happiness? I love watching you “rich guys” drive around in your BMW’s, talking on your cell phones making that next big deal only to get home at night to drink yourself into a stupor cause your so worked up from being as important as you think you are. Work your ass off every day so you can acquire your flat screens, Orange County Choppers, Rolex’s, golf clubs, etc all while time with your family, friends and life experiences pass you by because your too busy making that money. Wait till you’re laying on your death bed with all them fond memories of making money. You’ll be satisfied knowing you never made a difference.
This installment of tit for tat session is done for today. I’m off to SIA in Vegas tomorrow to set up our queer snowboard booths. Feel confident that I’ll be wearing my skate shoes to the show even though I don’t skate, my sunglasses will be on indoors along with my beanie properly sagged, the jeans I’ll have on will have once been my wife’s and of course there will be some sort of all over print shirt that has ice cream cones or polka dots to complete my kit. Perry, I’ll even throw out a couple hi5’s and “yea bro’s” for you. This is the last SIA in Vegas and after these two days of chatting with you, I’m dedicating this SIA all to Perry Silverstein. That is my birthday gift to you.
Happy Birthday bitch!
Johan
PS. Is THIS really blog worthy?

WAS it????


12 comments:

  1. Anonymous5:53 PM

    this part made it worth it

    Perry I wake up every day stoked to go to work with people that share the same passion as I have, which is to be outside experiencing places, people and cultures all while searching for that white fluffy stuff we gays called Pow. I think you rich guys call that coke? .......
    Snowboarding does have some gayness too it, what doesn’t? Well maybe golf, I mean them plaid pants, button up shirts, elitist’s attitudes, fake tech, and spiked shoes are pretty next level.

    hahahahah

    ~drjcv

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  2. Im not sure why I read the whole thing but in the end I realized one thing: I don't ever want to be as old as you 2 :)

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  3. That last stab, was perfect.

    I work in the surf industry at a company where nobody surfs. I mean ZERO. Everybody here lives to work, instead of works to live. Nobody vacations. There's no "pow days". There's no porn in the shitter. Working here is almost as bad as a day spent golfing.

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  4. Anonymous10:25 PM

    the net is real.

    respeck

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  5. Anonymous11:37 PM

    I used to work in the "Industry" and everyone complained about not having time to ride. Johan gets it done! He does what he does so he and his family can ride. "live to ride" and I respect him for that.
    -JN

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  6. Johan is a badass. Love it.

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  7. Shay, one of the only reason I posted this banter was because of a conversation we had. It was about how there are a lot of clowns in the "industry" that golf, not snowboard. And when I told you that you looked shocked. Anyway, moving on. That was a good war of words. Plenty of people like this, and that's why the "industry" part is gay. Snowboarding is not, snowboarders are not, but nutt swingers are. I think their called dingleberrys.

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  8. Anonymous9:34 AM

    I golfed on moday. but i did a sweet 180 on the fairway in the golf cart. does that make me gay ?

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  9. I loved this post!! Shit I am 34 and never have been more stoked on snowboarding and I suck!! The picture of that line in Haines won the argument for me! I never understood those that just quit and walk away from it? Who the fuck claims they stopped riding cause it was gay or there was no money in it anymore? That bullshit is what makes snowboarding gay. Who rides or is in the industry for money except douchebags. Can you put a price tag on epic powder days with your bros or your kids? Shit I rather be poor and ride pow than have a bmw, seriously. I cant wait to ride tomorrow, 8-16 inches in the forecast and the day off with the little ones and the shoulder finally feels good enough to shred. My career has suffered because as I was told by my employer, I have a shred problem! Johan thanks for everything you have done for me and the family and I still havent met you face to face. And for the record I ride goofy, thats for all the industry fucks that dont ride!

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  10. Anonymous8:08 AM

    According to Johan I am gay, so why wouldn't I like to snowboard? Stupid Johan - he's not being logical.

    That or golf is even more gay.

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  11. Anonymous8:25 AM

    goofy footers are whats gay in snowboarding

    ara boys will run you over look out

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