Tuesday, February 14, 2012

27th Baker Banked pho toe ah thong one and done post

 You've read all the stories on the 27th Banked Slalom everywhere else, so no reason for me to bla bla bla about how this event is legendary, or how rad it is that every sick ass dude in snowboarding is there at the start shack next to you, shitting their pants about going down one of the gnarliest courses in banked history.  Nor will I mention that it was the most all-star cast of pro shreds and legends in one spot, actually snowboarding, not for money, but for the love of snowboarding.  If your a fan of the shred, then this was the place to be, to see and watch professional snowboarders go down the same course as you, and understand why you'll never be or never were a pro snowboarder.
No jumps, quarter pipes, rails or nothing, just pure turning left and right down a gully and doing that repeatedly 50 or so times and then crossing a finish line.  Simple enough, but after linking recovery after recovery down the course yourself, and then watching dudes like Temple, Dirkson, Haakon, Rice, Blair hammer the fuck out of the course and making it their bitch,  you realize that they play a different game than others, and that's the reason they get paid to strap in.
For me, this is the single event that I look forward to most in the shred year.  I love being scared by the course, I love talking to myself the whole way down and calling myself a pussy,  I love the group of dudes that show up to race in the Mid Masters category and most importantly, I love when our category finishes its final run and we all roll down to the lodge to have a celebratory Full Sail beer or three together.  It is justification that I am not alone in my denial to become an adult and there are others there in bigger denial.
 On top of that, it was the boys year to shine.  He's been first loser the last two years here, and the kid that's beaten him moved up an age class.  Milo was the only kid in the class pre-qualified to run Next Gen.  In January, they allowed 15 kids to smash it out to the bottom and took the top 3 fastest from there and pitted them against Mi.  It was funny to watch the kid too,  cause he knew that this was a legendary event, and it would be cool to win this one.  But...he really didn't seem to care.  AT ALL.
 I did of course, it's not like I'm gonna win it so better live thru someone that can.  Fuck, we started waxing the race decks 5 weeks before the races.  Riley in the warehouse would wax them every day before he went home.  Damn the reminds me that I owe him a $100.  I think the decks had 17 coats of wax impregnated into them before they even touched snow.  Then I put 2 more coats of super fast Daron Rahlves wax on top, then sprinkled some pixy dust to make them even faster.  Preparation!  H.
Again, it seemed like Milo could of give a shit.  Cody Warble was there and he's a special one like Milo.  All they wanted to do was run the hell out of Baker, hit every jump in site and do it from 9 in the morning till 4 at night.  On top of that, the other kids that they love running with were there too and in tow.  Kalia, Jonas, Frank, Mateau, Paavo, Maui, Jack Jack, Mac and Hank made up the kid posse and they were a force not to be messed with on the hill.
 Day one, lil guy nailed the course, and jumped right to the finals.  Cool.  Day two he could run the course and it didn't matter what he got for a time, cause he was already qualified.  But could I find him a half hour before the race?  No.  Where was he, what was he doing?  Shoveling out a quarter pipe hit with all the retards mentioned above.  He showed up 20 min before, chocolate sauce all over his face and coat and dropped in and murdered the course.  Hmmm.
 Finals day, I decided to try and focus him.  Get him thinking about the race.  Again, no big deal Dad, I do what I do was the look I got.  And he solidified that to me when I was down the course watching him in the start shack ready to drop for his finals run for the gold.  Dude was playing patty cake with a kid outside the start shack window right up to when the starter yelled at him and said "racers ready?"  And he was some how.  Pulled out of the gate, made smart decisions and slayed the course like he had been watching it all day.  The banks were pure ice, some 6 feet tall and they were eating people for lunch all day.  Lil guy laughed in the face of it all and had two perfect full pulls.  And off we went to the awards ceremony as his runs happened at the end of the day.  Kid put on a COAL hat, Defenders sweat shirt and washed his face, all pro like and ready for the awards.  They called him up, he thanked all, and got his trophy.   Then handed the loot to me and said, "Dad, can I go outside and build a jump with Cody after he wins his duct tape?"
 Yea...pressure cooker for sum, another day on the hill for others.

"Dude, wait for me at the bottom and we'll go hit the quarter pipe by that cave where all the dopes are smoking dope."
Kind Bro was in heaven with all the kids.  "Hey lets play scavanger hunt dudes."
"Milo, you know who this is?"  "Yea, Terje.  Hey, I'm gonna go do laps with Cody ok?"
Finals run in the luge course.
Mean muggin
Stay low and slow is my motto.
We like to get to Baker the day before the events start, so we can rip around with this tard.  Cody Warble.  Remember that name.  Kids got it.
Dave Wray follows the rules.
Tonino was happy to be there.
Travis Rice gets it.  "Sure I'll give you my autograph, but first come watch the race with me, one of my friends is going."  He helped all the kids get to the fence, as it was ice. Then stood by and watched dude go down the course.
QP at the Raven Lodge euro method hoping that Terje would give him props.  Nah.
Go-Hard showed up and blowed up.  As usual.
Matt Cummins has the longest running pro model in the history of snowboarding for a reason.  Dude rips the course and murdered the qp with sick ass hand plants. 
These guys cooked 450 pounds of salmon for the bake.
Rice signing the We-Gnars coat.  When Gumby asked me yesterday what was my highlight moment of the Banked Slalom I said it was this.  An uber superstar that gets down on his knee's to have a conversation with the little guys.  He looked them in the eyes and actually talked to them.  Danny Kass has that gift too, as does Mr. Schneider.  Good to see guys that don't take themselves too seriously.
"So, you think I can pull any hot babes with your autograph on my coat Travis?"
Of course Frank had Travis draw him a tit on his tits.  FRANK!
Mi jumped in, for a quick signing, then bailed and went riding.
Fish heaven
All is done, packing up the cars and Go-Hard drives over to hi5 Milo.  Fried Rat...Recognize.
Someone needs to do a pecker check on Mama Hadar.  She rides more powerful than half the Men's Pro class.  She embodied the spirit of the Banked Slalom and was my runner up MVP for the weekend.  Fried RAT!
This will be a good edition to Milo's Catholic School uniform.
"All right, all right, you were right, this IS pretty cool."
Krugmeir was ripping.  He had the wonder kid Cody Warble nipping at his heels and that always puts more pressure on you when your supposed to be the MAN.  He handled the pressure and took home the gold.
Here's my MVP of the weekend.  Wierd too that he got it.  Gorio is the NW Griff these days.  Carefree, whatever, goes with the flow, hassle free and always there.  But to me, HE was THE Banked Slalom this year.  Always everywhere, always supportive, always humble, always helping, always smiling and pretty much always awesome.  Eddie Spagetti needs to write a song about him.  Anyway, he laid down runs that made our entire class bow down too.   I called it on Friday.  "Dudes, Gorio is gonna smoke us all with his 19" stance, 24 degree front angle binding, 9 degree POSITIVE back binding, two different color Gay2 Boa boots, size XL Bonfire pants and 4 year old Gore Tex coat. "  And he did.  Lisa wants him to coach Milo for next year.  Man...I don't know.  Anyway, congrats Gorio.  This picture that Lisa took of you sums it up.  First place smile.  No-Homo.
Mr. Mongomery got 3rd again in Pro Masters.  Pretty much the ONLY company president to race in the Banked Slalom, not to mention in Pro Masters and the only one that stands on the podium.  If we can get his skinny ass to the gym to do a little training, I bet we can turn that bronze into silver.  Mark Faucet is the gold dude, and there ain't no way in hell gold is gonna happen.  Silver though sounds realistic...how bad you want it Blew?
Winners.  Except for Benny.  He got 5th, so get the fuck out of that picture dude.  You got no tape, just a trash bag.  Fucker.
Bottom row:  Hadar Silver, Gorio Gold. Top Row: Harris Bronze, Krugmeier Gold, Montgomery Bronze, Benny Green Card, Milo Gold, and Travis "Train Wreck" Clauton bronze.

So in ending with the Mt. Baker 27th Legendary Banked Slalom Results...Team CAPiTA, COAL, Union and Full Sail crushed it!

Gold Duct Tape - Gorio Bustamante Mid Masters - NAS 159/Force Teams, Jacob Krugmeir Juniors - 151 Midlife/Atlas Teams, Milo Malkoski Next Gen - 135 Microscope/Force Teams, Barrett Christy Pro Masters Women - Union Trilogys

Silver Duct Tape - Laura Hadar Pro Women - Birds Of A Feather 148/Milans, Kaola Cole Next Gen - 125 Microscope/Contacts, Cody Warble Juniors - Union Contact Pro's, John Kaiser Masters - Union Contact Pro's

Bronze Duct Tape - Blue Montgomery Pro Masters - NAS 159/Atlas Teams, Temple Cummins Pro Men - Union Chargers, Travis Claughton Younger Amateurs - Space Metal Fantasy 145/Forces, Jonah Harris Juniors - Saturnia 140/Atlas Teams.


  1. I am going to get the Gladding clan on this next year. I think we have a shot at the duct tape!! Reading your thoughts on it all has convinced me to come on up next year with the boys!

  2. If my math is correct: 1/3rd of podium finishers were on some sort of C3 gear?

    I'm looking forward to full C3 sweep in 2015.

  3. Anonymous4:41 PM

    That was a great read!. Nice work dad. Those boys are some lucky little rats!! Drey is getting ready in the next couple years.

  4. Nice write Dadyo... stoked for Milo.

  5. World's Worst strikes again...

  6. Eric Warble6:29 PM

    Fucking awesome! Thanks for a great time! Hope to you all again soon!

  7. Anonymous7:39 AM

    Thanks Yo - Made my morning. Keep the dream alive old kid!

  8. Jo, nice write up. Congrats to Mi for killing it and staying focused on what he enjoys most about the sport, actually riding. Kids remember this shit and they don't have the memories unless you make the effort. I know G_A_Y.

  9. Anonymous12:39 PM

    As Gumby said..."you can try to duplicate the Banked Slalom, but you can never replicate it." It's no dount a privilage to be able to race in this event besides the legends, pro, bros and new found friends. there's nothing like it in snowboarding and that's why they call it "Legendary". Well done Johan and thanks for documenting it all.

  10. Anonymous7:55 PM